I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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