I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have aggressive nipples.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
