Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
