dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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