Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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