Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
