Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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