It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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