ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Success! We fucked roommates!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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