Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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