areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
