toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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