Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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