Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
