One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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