she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
