So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
