we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
