i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize