Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can text with my tongue
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
40s are totally the cure
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
