Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
