You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
