At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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