How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
