Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize