How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
did you just send me my own nude
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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