dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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