You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
