I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
