when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
