Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
