You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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