1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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