That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
