The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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