I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
