he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Everything about him screamed your future.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
