So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
