Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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