he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
