your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
