She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
