wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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