5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
