She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
