mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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