I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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