i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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