I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
