no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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