man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
