And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
