There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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