the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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