I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
