i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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