I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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