I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
