her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize