I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
