I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
