Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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