You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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