I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
