guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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