Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
