So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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