I showed him my bush... on skype.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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