She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
