i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
