i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
