Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
