Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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