UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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