My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
