do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
